He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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