That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
