She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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