ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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