So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
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