I'm going to jail i love you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
