TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
