It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Someone shattered a urinal.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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