i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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