How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
