Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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(201): View more from New Jersey

On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion

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(845): View more from New York

I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?

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(428): View more from

she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.

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(205): View more from Alabama

How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?

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(903): View more from Texas

On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?

(979): View more from Texas

Definite 12.2 but worth it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?

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