Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize