sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
