whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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