Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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