Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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