I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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