At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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