His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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