sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
