Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
