Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
