I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
