Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i need to put some appletini on your dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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