It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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