even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
