wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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