time to smoke my breakfast
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
