I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
