so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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