I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
