stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
