Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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