I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's the barista slut.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
