Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
