he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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