Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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