My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All the doctor said was why
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
