hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
