I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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