Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
