I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
