dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
