oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize