sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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