I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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