Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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