I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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