did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
