we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
