I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
