alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
