I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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