Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
