i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
