she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
