Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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