Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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