its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
