Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
