Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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