I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
