so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
