So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
