He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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