dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
