so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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